This past month, I joined weight watchers. Again. On the day before Thanksgiving. Larry was less than thrilled, and offered to take my money in exchange for standing next to our bathroom scale and yelling at me. I declined. See, I don't have lots to lose. My clothes mostly fit. But I had a goal, and I want to attain it.
This time last year, i was so close to hitting my goal weight. Little by little, the pounds were falling off and I was almost there. And then a baby was on the way, and WW made me drop out. Not forcibly, of course. But pregnant people are not allowed to be members, and I didn't want to eventually be escorted out. So I quit, just a little shy of my goal. And all during the pregnancy, sugar made me want to die, so by the time i was home from the hospital, i weighed less than i started out. I was a freak of nature. But it only lasted a short time. Because Halloween came, I remembered that the real me loves sugar, and the next thing you know, I was shoving graham crackers down my throat at breakneck speed. So I decided to give myself a do over. I have a goal. And by golly, in the season of sugar cookies and nuts and popcorn dipped in chocolate, I am planning for success.
A few weeks ago , while I was rummaging around in the hall closet, I found a Bible study book that I never finished. Really, I barely started. It was a terrific study. But at that time in my life, I wasn't in any mood to actually look at myself in the mirror for real. It was easier to pretend that I had it all together and ignore the giant problems that were hanging around. So after a few weeks of sitting through an incredibly uncomfortable session where I was sure Beth Moore was addressing only me, I dropped out. And shoved the book in the closet. So after unearthing the booklet again, I decided I wanted a do over. I want to finish this time. So i texted a friend who had the same book, and asked her if she would do it with me. We are both going through the lessons. And although I am in a much different place in my life, it is still hard. Harder than I thought. Because I am having to be honest with myself. About why I act the way I do, with my husband, my kids, and even complete strangers. It is much easier to pretend like everything is everyone else's fault. It can get sort of exhausting to keep looking at myself, keep identifying areas that need work. A do over, again.
So this time of year, as I think back over 2011, there are many things that I wasn't expecting that I am incredibly thankful for. And while I thank God for all of my family, including the bossy oldest child, the weepy toddler, and the baby who doesn't have any identifiable annoying traits yet, Iam mostly thankful for do-overs. Do overs with friends. Do overs with my kids. Do overs with Larry. And do overs with God.
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