Let me just start out by saying Poor Larry. Poor, poor Larry. Because right now, the football coach who likes to watch people crash into each other is living in a house where every single person except him is excited to boo hoo at the drop of the hat, no holds barred. And I'm not sure he is completely sure what to do. Let me paint you a picture of what it is like right now for him:
Toddler-super sensitive, so if you talk in a loud voice he gets his feelings hurt, his little lip quivers, and he sobs in such a pathetic way that i'm pretty sure we are all going to keep feeling sorry for him and he will end up getting away with murder.
2nd grader-She has a way with putting everything in one sad, mopey basket, and after the tears and heartache have bubbled high enough, the dam breaks, so watch out. Phrases like "my bed is flooded with tears at night" are not uncommon.
Baby-cries when she is wet, dirty, bored, hungry, or when I play Michael Jackson.
Me-oh my word. Who knows. Besides dealing with the after pregnancy "broken body thermostat" of sweating one minute and shivering the next, the irrational tears are around as well. If the groceries are not unloaded, i might take it as a personal insult that you think i am a servant and you will never help me and oh my word no one loves me or appreciates me and here come the tears. If there are dirty socks on the floor, same thing. And then I might imagine the kids going off to college and never calling and all of the sudden it's the end of the Notebook and I'm crying AGAIN.
So my advice to my husband, and all the other men out there who get the deer in the headlights look when the females in their life start crying:
1. Most of us are not trying to manipulate you. Maybe in our younger days, yes. But at this stage in my life, i have too much going on to orchestrate a giant emotional manipulation.
2. Much of the time, we really can't help it. Whether it be hormones or sensitive feelings, some things just make us cry. Even if they are not rational. Even if they don't make sense. Even if we have completely taking a tiny little tidbit of our lives, blown it completely out of proportion, and predicted that this event will end up making us penniless and lonely in 50 years. Some of us(me) have extremely good imaginations and that fuels our crying jags.
3. It is usually a lose lose situation for us. We end up looking silly and emotional, first of all. After it's all said and done, we usually feel dumb. And also, who likes puffy eyes and not being able to breath out of their nose? These are the signs of a truly wicked crying jag. And if faced with the option of crying or not, we would pick non-puffy eyes.
4. You don't have to fix it. You don't have to beat anyone up, sell plasma to buy us the prom dress we think we need, or threaten the weatherman until he starts forecasting temps in the 60s instead of the 100s. Most of the time, we just want someone to listen. That's why we love talking to our girlfriends. Because they will listen to our crazy without rolling their eyes. They will make understanding noises and nod at all the right times. And if we happen to cry in front of them, its no big deal. But in the unfortunate situation where we are sobbing in your presence 9 times out of 10, patting us on the head and telling us it's going to be okay will do the trick. Even if there is an asteroid heading straight toward the house.
So if you see my husband out and about, you have my permission to secretly feel sorry for him. Because he is now surrounded by irrational females and has years of tears to come. And if the prospect of this makes him cry, we will pat him on the head and tell him everything is going to be okay.
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