The new normal.

This time last week(this time last week, month, year, etc, is probably my most favorite game to play, by the way) I was dying a slow, painful, high blood pressure death in the hospital while Larry and my parents were eating lunch at B.J.s.  Some of that last sentence was hyperbole, though.  After Amasa made her entrance into the world at about 8 am, and I came down from the anesthesia, I came back to the recovery room and ate ice chips while everyone sat around discussing who this new little person looked like.  Not me, maybe Cale, with a splash of Sheridan thrown in. The nurses had my family move my suitcases to my room, and assured them that I would be headed there soon, and why didn't they go get something to eat.  Except after they left, I didn't go anywhere.  My blood pressure spiked, and while I was too loopy to remember what the numbers were, I recognized the tense edge that my nurse's voice had.  No one was letting me go anywhere.  My newly remodeled room in the wing that had snacks and popsicles and ice chips flowing like milk and honey was now just a pipe dream, because of my stupid blood pressure.  I willed it to go down, which didn't work at all.  Every time I heard the machine turn on to take it again, i laid perfectly still and imagined my blood pumping at just the right speed.  Not because I was worried about my health.  But I wanted my fancy room.

Those of you familiar with medicine might already be aware that willing blood pressure to lower itself rarely works, and may sometimes result in you accidentally holding your breath, which leads to a whole other passel of "complications".  So there I was, alone, in a recovery room, while my family ate salads at B.Js in complete ignorance and bliss.  Now, i don't fault them, really.  The nurse told them to eat.  I didn't think they would go OFF CAMPUS to get something, but they maybe thought the cafeteria food was gross? The good news is, they gave me a high powered muscle relaxer that relaxed every muscle on my body including my eyelid muscles.  Which meant that if you got a text from me between 9/20 and 9/21, it is extra special, because i was seeing double and texting with drunk thumbs.  I must really love you.

So the drugs did their job, i returned to normal, and now i have a fun little guilt trip i'll try to completely run into the ground with my parents and Larry.  And according to the nurses, I was very good at walking, at reflexes, at getting my own ice chips, and maybe the worlds best recoverer they have ever seen.  Because of that, i got to go home on Friday, and this time(as opposed to the last two babies) I was actually looking forward to it.

And I was reminded(and still am) that I cannot compare these next few weeks to anything.  To my old routine, to my new work routine, to normal sleeping habits.  The  scary thing about bringing a baby home is how they completely turn your schedule upside down.  Nothing feels familiar, because for the first few weeks you are just mapping sleep times.  Just because you used to leisurely get ready for bed about 9:45 and retire at 10:15 does not mean that's what will happen now.  You have to be ready to sleep at a moment's notice.  Nothing feels the same. Your friends and neighbors go on with their lives like normal, but that is exactly not what your life is.

So I am trying to embrace this new normal.  This is our last baby, according to modern medicine.  And I am making a conscious effort to enjoy this time, instead of wishing it away.  Sitting outside, playing with baby toes, and watching Rockford Files on the couch instead of trying to be supermom.  Reminding myself that babies usually learn how to sleep through the night eventually, and the fact that mine hasn't done it yet does not mean: a. she hates us b. she is a low achiever c. I am being punished for playing the lotto that time at the bank when we all won lottery tickets and I scratched mine off.

So right now, the new normal is lazy days, and hoping and praying for lots of Friends reruns at night.  And spending 30 minutes searching online for the kind of pacifier that the hospital gives out.  The ugly green kind that my other two kids hated.  And this one loves. 

 

Comments

[Christi Ellis]

I'm sure you texted me between those dates and I do feel very loved! BTW, are you sure YKTL..cuz I didn't think you could play the Lottery and KTL.